Wrong but so Right
by loveislovely
Summary: Santana is confused about who she is. It all changes when she meets Brittany but will other complications get in the way? Can they fight their way through it when it seems wrong or will they stop trying when it's so right? It's a long road, will they make it to the end? Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Living in New York City is amazing but what makes it even more amazing is when you have your best friends there with you. Santana Lopez moved to NYC after she graduated high school with her two friends Rachel Berry and Kurt Hummel. They all moved in together and it has stayed that way ever since. Their apartment is big enough where they have their own space and if they want time alone to think or whatever, they have a place to do it. Over the years they have made new friends from either work or college and that's how they became friends with Quinn Fabray. Santana met Quinn while she worked in a small coffee shop which she no longer works in. Quinn worked there at the time and still does work there but when they met, they instantly clicked. After a few weeks of working together, Santana and Quinn became super close which led to Santana inviting her round to the apartment where she then met Rachel and Kurt. It was surprising to them how close they all became. When they first met Quinn, she was a pretty hard one to figure out but after a while she opened up to them and it was like they had been friends for years and not weeks. She fit perfectly well into their group and made it easier for Santana. As much as she loved her friends, Rachel's obsession with Broadway and Barbra Streisand and Kurt's insane fashion fetish often got on her nerves. Kurt and Rachel were more like each other than she was so a lot of the times they could talk about things that Santana either had no interest in or didn't know enough about to join in on the conversation. Quinn was more like her, they shared a lot of the same interests and yes they could be bitches at times and got into a lot of arguments but they always seen past it because they found comfort in each other for a lot of different things. They became best friends. Santana was the first person Quinn told about her teenage pregnancy and how she had her baby adopted which turned into a cry fest but Santana was there for her with a tub of ice-cream and a bunch of soppy movies to take her mind off it. She spent that night with Quinn, holding the girl while she cried and let it all out. In that moment, they grew closer than ever and Kurt and Rachel still didn't know. Quinn wasn't ashamed of it or anything like that, she just didn't like to talk about it because she knew she would get upset and didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable. In turn, Quinn was the first person Santana told about her confusion towards her sexuality. Albeit, she was drunk and isn't even sure if Quinn remembers because she was drunk too and they haven't spoken about it since but it just felt good for Santana to talk to someone about it. She knew if she had spoken to Rachel and Kurt about it, they would probably make a big deal of it and make it seem bigger than it was when she still wasn't sure what it meant. She trusted them and all and with Kurt being gay and Rachel having two gay dads, it wouldn't be a problem but she didn't want to tell anyone before she knew what it meant herself. She's still not sure what any of it means. All of her life, she has been with men but looking back, she doesn't think that she was attracted to any of them or even fell in love with any of them. They were nice guys and stuff but there was always just something missing. Like a spark, chemistry, a connection. When she goes out to clubs, a lot of guys hit on her. A lot of them. She knows she's hot but she doesn't feel anything for any of them. The guys that she hooks up with is simply because she is either a) horny as hell, b) feeling lonely or c) to keep up with the image of herself that she has created over the years. It doesn't help that when they go out, Rachel and Kurt are always in her ear trying to set her up with every guy in sight. She knows they only do it because the both of them have boyfriends and want her to get one but she doesn't want one. When she confided in Quinn, it felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders even though she didn't say a lot or confirm anything.

They had been drinking in Quinn's apartment. Rachel and Kurt had went to some Broadway show or something and Santana and Quinn didn't want to go and both had the night of work, so they decided to open some wine, order some food and watch crappy TV that they weren't going to watch. They were in the middle of a conversation, well Quinn had been talking about something that Santana can't even remember now but while she was talking, Santana interrupted her without even thinking.

"Quinn, I think I like girls", she slurred. Quinn stopped talking mid-sentence and just looked at Santana. "I like girls too Santana, it's a great show but did you have to interrupt me while I'm telling you how hot Justin Timberlake looked in Friends With Benefits just to tell me." Santana remembers now that when Quinn started to talk about Justin Timberlake in that movie her mind drifted off to how hot Mila Kunis was in that movie and how she spent most of the time watching it thinking that and how she even questioned herself during the movie as to why she wasn't thinking the same about Justin Timberlake, he was a good-looking guy but she was more interested in the good-looking girl. That's when she started to think to herself that she spends a lot more time looking a women than she does men and when she sees a good looking guy, it doesn't faze her, she acknowledges that she's nice looking but feel anything else and doesn't want anything else but when she looks at a woman, she gets these feelings all over her body, like nerves or excitement or both. The more she thought about it, the more she started to wonder that maybe the reason she didn't feel anything towards the guys that she had been with or any other guy for that matter was because she wasn't attracted to men at all. Maybe the reason why she looks at women more than men is because she finds women more attractive than men and has been denying herself of this for her whole life. All of these revelations in her head weren't new to her. She had thought of these things before but she had never let herself get to the point of believing that it could actually be true, that she could actually be gay. In that moment, she had to tell someone, she had to get this off her chest. Maybe if she said it aloud, it would make more sense to her. If she admitted to herself that maybe there was a chance that she was into girls, everything would change, she knew that but something inside her knew that she had to speak to someone about this and that's when she told Quinn. "No Quinn, I think I like girls", she repeated in the hopes that Quinn would realise what she was trying to say. Quinn's face didn't change and she just shrugged her shoulders like it was no big deal, "Ok, what's the problem with that?" she asked her and for a few moments Santana didn't know what the problem was and then. "It's not who I am. I've always been with men, I like men." It's like everything changed, she couldn't admit this, everything would change, and her whole life would become completely different. "Well, you could like men and women, or you could be curious or maybe you're confused. I don't know what's going on inside that head of yours but I know one thing. It's okay to be who you are." Quinn was staring into Santana's eyes to make her believe every word she was saying but Santana was avoiding her and looking down into her lap. As if nothing had happened, Santana shot her head up and stood "More wine?" she asked with the biggest fake smile anyone could put on their face. Quinn saw straight through her but she understands that Santana doesn't want to talk about it anymore and that she wouldn't force her too so she just nodded with a small smile and that was the end of that. Once Santana returned from the kitchen with two new glasses filled with wine, she changed the topic completely as if the once a few minutes ago didn't happen. They haven't spoken about it since and neither of them will bring it up again unless Santana wants to which she doesn't so for now, the conversation is being avoided but both of them know that it won't last forever and eventually they will talk about it again.

It's been a few weeks since that night and both of them have carried on as normal. Nothing has changed which makes Santana wonder that if she does want to talk about it again or she wants to 'come out' will anything change. Maybe not on Quinn's part because she already knows that there's a possibility and she seems totally cool. It's the thought of telling people who have known her for most of her life that she's not who they think she is that scares her the most. One thing that she doesn't want to happen is her friends acting differently around her. For now, she's going to avoid the thoughts going on her head and carry on her life in the way that she always has but will it be that easy?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys, hope you like this so far. Let me know what you think and if you think I should carry on. This one is kind of a long pointless chapter but I wanted to show the dynamic of their friendship first.**

"Oh come on Berry, it's not like you have anything better to do. Plastic man is probably off selling drugs in a dark alley somewhere in the hope to become the next Pablo Escobar. Kurt is definitely going to come, so why don't you save us all some time and just agree to come along, and then go get a shower and get ready." Santana lectures Rachel.

It's a Friday night and on the rare occasion, all of them have the night off work and Santana is determined to get all of them to go to 'Envy, the new hottest club around, so that they can all let off some steam and have some fun. Currently she is trying to convince Rachel who is adamant that she is not going but Santana has her ways and she knows that in about 5 minutes, Rachel will be running to her room to get ready to leave. The first step of persuasion is to use the fact that Rachel's ken-doll boyfriend is gone for the night, so she will have no-one to hang out with when they all go out. "Santana, stop it with the Brody thing okay. He is not a drug dealer; he's just hanging out with his friends." Rachel defends. Rachel met Brody a few months ago and has been 'casually dating' him ever since, whatever the fuck that means. Santana isn't Brody's biggest fan; he always carries around, these large suspicious amounts of money, has the most hairless and frictionless body she has ever seen in her life and looks like the donkey from Shrek. He's never done anything bad to Rachel but Santana just thinks it's a matter of time before he does; he's just so sketchy and weird. She doesn't trust him. "Yes, his other drug dealer friends. Look, Rachel, if you don't come with us, you're only going to be sitting all alone in this apartment with no-one to keep you company", she tries and she sees Rachel falter a little as if she's going to give in any minute but she doesn't. Not yet. "Ok, Berry, you know what, every once in a while you need to loosen up a bit, let you hair down, have some fun, if you even know the meaning of the word. Quinn. Kurt and I are going out to dance, get drunk and do something that you fail to do in your everyday life. Have some F.U.N" she spells out. "Now, if you want to sit here by yourself, while we go out and have the time of our lives, feel free but don't say that I'm never nice to you or don't ask you to do anything with me because I offered you the chance and you're not taking it." She turns around from where she is standing in the living area and starts to make her way down the hallway towards her bedroom. As she begins to walk, she counts down in her head, 5...4...3...2…1.

"Wait, Santana. I'll go, okay. What time do I have to be ready?" bingo. Santana smirks before she turns around, "Good choice Barbra. Be ready at 9, we're going to Quinn's before the club". Rachel nods and they both make their way into their bedrooms to start getting ready since it's already 7 o'clock. Santana makes her way to the bathroom, her room is the only one that has a bathroom in her bedroom but if the others were as quick as she was to pick a room when they first moved in, they probably would have chosen this one, but since she got there first, it's hers.

She runs the water in the shower until it's warm enough for her to get in and when the water is a perfect temperature, she takes off all of her clothes and steps in. it's the same for a lot of people, but the shower is always the place where people think about their lives and everything that is going on and that is why Santana begins to think about tonight and how it is the first night that she's going to see Quinn properly since she told her about liking girls. They have spoken since that night and have seen each other a few times but it was never usually longer than an hour and Kurt and Rachel were there too. One thing that makes her worry is that there is going to be alcohol involved again tonight. Everyone knows that alcohol makes people say things that they would never admit to when sober and since the last time her and Quinn got drunk together, it ended up in her admitting that there was a possibility that she was a lesbian, she starts to freak out. What if Quinn brings it up? Or what if she slips something out again when she has had one too many vodkas? What if Quinn has told other people? All of these questions are running through her head until she can't take it anymore and decides to tell Quinn that it was a joke to see how she would react or she could tell her that she was confused but she's definitely into guys. Those things could work but they would only work if they were true. She knows that if she even attempted to lie about this, Quinn would see right through her. In her heart, she knows that she needs to stop this. She needs to accept who she is even if it means things will change. Things change all the time so it wouldn't be that big of a deal, right? Except that it would, her whole life would change and but maybe it would change for the better. She is honestly so confused and doesn't know what to do. Deep down inside, she knows that she is gay. She's not ashamed to be gay or anything and she certainly doesn't have any problems with being gay or anyone else being gay, I mean one of her best friends is so gay; he might as well have it tattooed on his head or something. She knows her friends also, have no problems with gay people, obviously. It's then she realises that the problem, isn't about her being gay, she accepts that, she likes women… it's the fact that everyone that knows her has always known her as Santana the straight hot girl who walks into a club and has boys begging at her feet to even stand a chance with her. She is the girl who takes guys home to her apartment and then kicks them out in the morning because she doesn't do relationships. Just sex. These things don't prove to her friends that she's straight but it doesn't exactly scream 'hey I'm a lesbian'. And when she has to tell people that she's not what they think she is and they start to change and her life becomes completely different, that's where she finds the problem with it. Her knowing herself who she is, she can deal with but having people who know her all of her life knowing who she really is and not being the same with her, she can't deal with that. She can't deal with people looking at her differently, talking to her like she's been a stranger all of her life. She just can't.

The feeling of the water going cold rips her from her thoughts. She turns the water off quickly and wraps herself in a towel before making her way back into her room where she checks the time and realises that she has been in the shower for nearly an hour and now has to rush to get ready. By 8.45, she's walking into the kitchen, fully dressed and ready to leave which for her is fucking amazing. She decided to wear a tight red dress which really doesn't leave much to the imagination but it makes her look hot so why the fuck not. Her hair was curled loosely around her shoulders, her make-up was perfectly done and she wore a pair of black heels to top it all off, making her legs look amazing.

She searched through the cupboards in the kitchen and eventually found the vodka she was looking for. While she waited for Kurt and Rachel, she poured herself a drink using any mixer that she found. After a few minutes, Kurt walked in and joined her. She poured him a drink too and laughed when he scrunched his face up in disgust when he swallowed his first sip. She liked her drinks to be strong, to sting the back of your throat as they went down, to get you drunk after only a few but Kurt was such a pussy when it came to alcohol. "God, why do your drinks always have to be so strong?" he screeched which made Santana laugh even more. "Man up, Grandma" she joked and he rolled his eyes at her insult.

When Rachel finally walked out of her room and into the kitchen, Santana nearly knocked her glass over. She looked good and by good, Rachel looked fucking hot, who knew she had boobs? Santana's face began to heat up when she realised what she had just thought about one of her best friends. "Oh my god, Rachel. You look incredible. Doesn't she look incredible Santana?" Kurt was screaming and clapping his hands around like he had never been so happy about anything in his life before. Rachel is looking at Santana shyly as if waiting on Santana's approval. "Um, yeah, yeah, you look.. Um. You look good Berry" she stutters out and her face starts to heat up even more when her friends look at her like the world has frozen over. "Did Santana Lopez just give someone a compliment? A genuinely nice comment to someone?" Kurt seems to be in shock while Rachel is smiling very happily and Santana knows it's probably because she told her she looked good which never happens but Rachel can be quite insecure and someone hot telling her she was looking good really made a difference to her views about herself. "Fuck up Kurt. Come on, let's go. Quinn will go crazy if we show up late again" she distracts them with the memory that the last time they had agreed to go to Quinn's before they went out ending up in them showing up an hour later than planned because they were too busy arguing about something that none of them can remember now because it was that stupid. It could have also been that they had a few shots before and were kind of tipsy. Quinn went crazy and didn't talk to them for about an hour after which was incredibly awkward so by all means they would like to avoid that tonight.


End file.
